Dear Tigerlily,

If I just want to date girls, and I never make any promises to any of them for commitment, is there an implied commitment? I am dating about four girls right now. Two I have slept with and two I have gotten pretty hot and heavy with and have great times with. (I am very safe, by the way) Am I over doing it? Should I feel guilty? One girl I don't feel guilty with at all. She is a party girl. She has told me she is not planning on being exclusive with me, and I said don't worry about it because I am not with you. But I did tell her that any time she wanted to hang out and have a good time to call me. So she has been calling me to hang out about once a week or so. She is hot too. All my friends were like, "daaammmnnn.... good job "Jon"". But she does not satisfy as someone I spend quality time with outside of a great party or night out. The tall one I told you about who is really pretty, wants to be monogamous. I avoid the conversation because I don't want to be backed into that corner. We have so much fun, she does give me the companionship on the level I really like, as a friend and a lover. The third one is very sexy and really sweet. I see her about once a week also. I saw her yesterday. We watched the sunset over the ocean. It was great. The fourth I am going to have to stop seeing. She is getting attached and I sleep with her too much. If she wants the occasional late night booty call OK, but beyond that, I am too overloaded. She doesn't do it enough for me. She is cute and sweet, but that isn't enough. What should I do? Just relax and have fun or feel bad and cut back on my dating eventually limiting myself to a single person? I am not interested in a girlfriend right now. And I guess I need to make that clear huh? Or do I not owe them anything? When I am with these women I give them a hundred percent and never disappoint with the date (or try my very best not to). Is that enough? What do you think Tiger? I feel I can say anything to you and be very open. I appreciate you offering me advice. Because I get confused as to what is right and what I should do. None of my guy friends are good to ask. They just call me a player and laugh. They don't see my dilemma at all. The thing is also that with my job I keep meeting pretty new girls. I met another this past weekend. But just can't call her. Let me know your thoughts when you have time. Thanks so much,

"Jon", San Francisco, CA

Hey "Jon",

Hmmm, I was down that road between my exBF and my current one. I was loving the single life and simply having fun for a little over a year, but then I fell captured by one man's spell to devotion and similar adventures (oh gawd, I'm sure he will be reading this w/a big head!). Obviously, you know which ones fulfill your physical and more importantly, your mental stimulation. The thing is you really don't seem ready to 'settle down'. Companionship, yes, relationship, no. Maybe half of these girls really rock your boat and the other half is steering you in the right direction but none of them seem to be getting you out of the harbor...if you get my drift! Whoa, that was an unexpected pun! Anyhow, being a bartender has its perks so your time will come when you meet the right girl that keeps you looking straight ahead and not venturing out from behind the bar! You definitely need someone who is not the jealous type(b/c of your job), independent, has a good head on her shoulders (intelligent and is secure about her looks), and doesn't put up with any of your shit at the same time:)...it keeps you grounded, believe me. I'm sure there will be one who doesn't agree with your agenda and you may feel the need to drop it and go after her.. that is what happened to me.

I think if you are being honest with all of them about what you want right now, then you are doing nothing wrong by dating 4 girls and guilt should have no matter in the situation. I say get rid of the 4th one who is getting too obsessed though! If you told her you didn't want a girlfriend, then she should've understood. You cannot be tagged an 'asshole' or 'player' because you were honest about your needs. But, if you didn't tell her that, then I suggest you tell her that she 'deserves' someone who will give her their undivided attention and you are not the one for her...(that way it makes you seem 'concerned' about her, thus avoiding the A-hole title..ding,ding,ding) Although, this usually happens...sooner or later, when sex is involved, one or the other becomes too attached and blows the whole 'I don't want a gf/bf' deal you had w/her (btw, sometimes this works as a great line for picking up chicks though..I'll admit to that!...it's that whole 'playing hard to get thing' as you probably already know!). I had to deal with one like that and I had told him from the beginning that I didn't want a relationship and he was the one who became attached and psychotic! Was I the bitch? Slut? I didn't think so. I'm sure he did though!